When I hit the fucking Powerball, I’m going to most of themoney away to good and worthy causes, but not to anyone who comes out and asks for it. I’ll just do it when I see good reason. I just haven’t figured out how to go about telling people not to ask, so there are going to be some difficult policies to enact when I hit the Fucking Powerball.

When I hit the fucking Powerball I’m going to hire my friend N. as my family’s personal chef. I met her in a college biology class she was taking for a nursing degree before she quit to open a now-closed restaurant but after her career as an engineer. Her cooking is so good she could give me food poisoning and I’d still eat the leftovers. I’d make her a hell of an  offer when I hit the fucking powerball.

When I hit the fucking powerball, I’m going to give money to two restaurants around where I live to spiff their places up a little bit, and switch over to organic foods. I’ll absorb their losses while they improve their business for the long-term, and I’ll never have to buy breakfast out on the weekends again. That’s what I’ll do when I hit the fucking powerball.

When I hit the fucking Powerball I’m going to hire my old friend T. to build a brewery. We’ll give jobs (and job security) to a few old friends with families who could use some help. I’ll always have free beer when I hit the fucking Powerball.